Admittedly, I am not macho nor do I care. So, everything I'm about to say can have the previous sentence used as a qualifier.
Toxic masculinity is one of the main contributors to our societal woes. It has often had a hand in the mass shootings. Toxic masculinity is the foundation of rape culture; thus it naturally plays a role in the mindset that dismisses #MeToo. Toxic masculinity affects our politics and who is elected. *Whispering* And, if you think this is a right wing problem you would be seriously mistaken. Toxic masculinity is pervasive in society regardless of race, political affiliation or even gender. Yes, I said gender.
Now, the concept of masculinity today is different (thankfully) from what it was 50 years ago. However, the "traditional" view of masculinity is still quite prevalent. In fact, one could argue it helped fuel a certain presidential campaign.
Many people see masculinity as being a certain way and if you don't adhere to that way you're weak and soft. Being a man means being tough or more accurately appearing tough. Showing any vulnerable emotions is effeminate. Real men control everything. They're dominant. Being masculine means there are certain things you're entitled to and taking no for an answer is not acceptable.
I'm sure some read the previous paragraph and said that's not true. But, it is. I know plenty of "real men" and they all adhere to things I listed. They might say in a singular statement women are equal but everything else they say and do highly suggests otherwise.
As I said, I know plenty of "real men-tough guys. They believe only certain jobs are for men and they feel inadequate if they have to work a "woman's job". They feel certain types of television programming and music are not entertainment men should partake. Superhero movies are good while romantic comedies are bad. Two Chains is a man but if you listen to John Legend you must be "funny". This mess is still happening in 2018 every single day.
Toxic masculinity says real men are tough and keep their women in check. We all know these guys. They walk around with their arms all puffed up at their sides. They are constantly mean mugging. They threaten to beat up anyone who "crosses" them. They're initial reaction to everything is either to get their gun or start throwing hands. Talking things out is for pussies. We all know that dude and probably know plenty of those dudes.
What kills me though is almost every #ToughGuy I know isn't actually that tough. If anyone stands up to them they crumble into punk bitches. With any adversity or failure they react like petulant children. And, they don't understand the difference between being tough and being strong.
I know a lot of strong men. They aren't dudes sipping chai tea. They would describe themselves as masculine. But, they are secure enough to show emotion or vulnerability. They don't feel the need to tell you how tough they are. They don't feel their being a man entitles them to whatever they want.
Earlier I said toxic masculinity has a hand in these mass shootings. They do. Many of these shootings are because of losing an ex-wife or unrequited love or because they were bullied by having their manhood challenged. Many of these males held their emotions in until they exploded. As is often the case, using a gun or performing some sort of violence was seen as the only option. In the cases of lost or unrequited love these guys had an attitude of entitlement to these women which led to anger when they were rejected.
Don't get me wrong. Nothing is wrong with masculinity, so don't even go there. Toxic masculinity, however, is an entirely different story. These archaic ideas of what being a man is are ridiculous. It's ok to cry. It's ok to show vulnerability. It's ok to be empathetic. These are not characteristics that make you a "pussy". And, these dudes who love to say that are showing their effed up view of masculinity by calling anyone they don't see as a real man a "pussy", which is misogynistic.
As I said earlier, some of the biggest whiners and cry babies I know are these #ToughGuys. They get sick it's like they're five years old. If something doesn't go their way, they literally stomp and mope around. Someone has the gall to disagree or contradict them they become pettier than any 16 year old girl could dream of being.
Being a man isn't about being tough, intimidating, controlling or emotionless. Being a man is the same as being a decent human being which is being strong through adversity, humble, thoughtful and empathetic. It's about taking care of your family and others; not so you can say, "Look at me! I take care of mine!" but because it's the right thing to do.
If you have to constantly show or say how tough you are and you're a man, I am going to have serious doubts as to whether you're being honest. Real men don't have to tell you they're real men.
