Over the last few weeks in the aftermath of the genesis of the George Floyd/anti-racist protests I have heard more times than I can count some white people say, "I don't know what to say [to poc]. I don't want to offend." People have said to me regarding my perception certain folks aren't acting the same with me or in some cases my clear ability to see they're either not talking to me or unfriending me on social media, "Well, maybe they just don't know what to say. They are afraid they will say something to offend you."
Initially my response was confusion and consternation. I like to think I am someone who is easy to approach and have communication. My nature is to be non-confrontational so I am not combative or bellicose. Frankly, it really disturbed me to think people were afraid to talk to me. Me!
But, the more I thought about it the less distressed I became. I began to become annoyed. The side-eye was in overdrive. I began thinking to myself, "What do they mean some people are afraid to say anything because they don't want to offend?!"
As I put actual thought and insight into this I realized that folks saying they didn't know what to say was somewhat of a cop out. If they didn't say things that were offensive, racially insensitive or racist before George Floyd why would they say them now? It was nonsense.
It hit me this was just more pseudo wokeness (for some). For others it was an, I presume, unintentional unveiling of their token allyship with those fighting racism and racial injustice which in reality was in reality was a partial cloaking of what I call "crypto bigotry lite". And, in fairness, for a few people it was a legit feeling of hesitancy and anxiety stemming from dealing with the more boisterous factions of the movement and individuals who always seem on edge. But, bluntly, the latter are few and far between. It is the first two groups who are problematic.
Let's deal with the pseudo woke first.
Their entire approach is dripping with cynicism and narcissism. They would be the first (and I mean the first) to shout that they are allies of black people, poc and marginalized groups in general.
These are the folks trolling Twitter and Facebook all day and night looking for every instance of "racism" they can so they can call it out and virtue signal and cancel. They feed off every single microaggression and then gather a mob to go after whomever making sure they're the face of the "calling out racism".
But, when the struggle gets real and it's time to actually put some skin in the game and it's time to be that ally they stop talking to poc. They cite as their reason, "I don't know what to say." WTF! What do they mean? They don't have to say anything other than, "I am here beside you fighting for what is right."
But, the problem is these type of people aren't interested in actually providing material assistance. They are only interested in being seen.
For them there are no real stakes. Their politics aren't one of benevolence or deep seeded social conscience. It is not altruistic. It is narcissistic. That is not to say they don't broadly believe in fighting racism or inequality. But, for them style is more important than substance. Which is why they make statements such as "don't what to say" and then say nothing.
Think about the insanity of that. People are in the streets fighting for justice. Black people are getting hunted down in the streets by racists , getting mowed down in their own homes by the very people are supposed to protect them and still being forced to endure a system built on white supremacy that while it has been tweaked is still implicitly bias and their reaction is to just not talk to them. It is sheer lunacy!
Now, the other group is more infuriating than they are annoying. I call these people crypto-bigots lite. I am sure that term will be triggering but if the shoe fits...
They say the same trite nonsense about not knowing what to say to poc since the protests began. They claim fearing they'll say something offensive. What a load of abject horseshit!
Here is why I say that. Unlike the pseudo woke they just quickly abandoned even the appearance of being an ally or concerned with racism and racial injustice. But, like the pseudo woke they love to virtue signal.
These folks aren't real interested in scouring social media looking for people to cancel and notches to place on their belt. But, what they are interested in is taking every instance of "reverse racism" they can find so they can say, "See, it happens on both sides" but then immediately point out they support black people. This approach would be okay I suppose if they did the same for white on poc racism but usually they are deafeningly silent.
This has become crystal clear during the last few weeks. When Ahmaud Arbery was murdered they were silent. When Breonna Taylor was murdered they were *crickets *. When the Amy Cooper/Christian Cooper incident in Central Park occurred quiet as a church mouse. When George Floyd was murdered they did say they were "disturbed" but no real outrage or anger. But, when some fools started looting and rioting during the largely peaceful protests they were all over social media expressing their "outrage" and "anger". They decried the "violence" (which there certainly was some but mostly property damage) and lamented "what about the property".
Now, do not misunderstand me. I am not condoning or excusing the looting and rioting nor am I denying it. I denounced it in real time and emphatically stated my frustration and opposition to it.
That said my issue with these subset of people is they were seemingly more upset with the loss of property than they were life.
Another problem that arose which in my mind directly points to their crypto-bigotry lite was their sudden position change. As soon as a small fraction of people (most of whom weren't poc by the way) began looting and rioting their support of black people and fighting racism and racial inequality/injustice went right out the window. Many people expressed verbally and on social media they "could no longer support the fight against racism after the rioting began". That is pure insanity. Or, it was just very revealing how shallow their support for anti-racism was in the first place.
Then these nominal allies trotted out the tired often quickly debunked refrain "I don't see color". This is perhaps my personal favorite because I love to debunk and watch people stick with it regardless. Look, it is not whether you see color or not. Unless you are physically color blind, of course you see color. And, even metaphorically it's a specious statement that the vast majority of people who actually say it can be exposed as not being so honest about it. It is not about seeing color but not allowing one's color (race, ethnicity, ect) affect the way you view and treat them. Identity is cynically used by lots of people and political parties but that doesn't mean identity isn't important in certain contexts. Instead of attempting to erase identity, which is often done cynically and perniciously, we should embrace our physical differences and celebrate the uniqueness.
Now, I attempted to explain these things to a few people. Their response? Well, some removed me from their social media while others essentially stopped talking to me. Again, that is where I heard generally (not just specifically regarding myself) they perhaps they just don't know what to say because they don't want to offend.
Bullshit! The problem with the nominal allies/crypto-bigots lite is everything that led up to that point gave away the game. Maybe I could accept the notion if they hadn't consciously chose to stay silent about black people being hunted down in the streets like mangy dogs but were beyond angry enough about a Wendy's getting torched to say something out loud. Perhaps, I could buy that if they offered the critique that rioting and looting are horrendous but black people being brutalized by the police (I know not all cops or most. Pretend to understand context and be somewhat of an adult) and being hunted down in the streets by racists is unacceptable but instead their critique was the opposite. I probably would be significantly warmer to the notion if they stopped acting like we should pretend color doesn't matter in a society where it clearly does. Of course, it shouldn't but it does.
Here's the thing. Not talking to poc is not a solution nor is it a coherent responsible response. If you have poc in your life you actually care about or love whether they are friends, co-workers, fellow parishioners or just acquaintances talk to them. I am telling you when you don't talk to them they are left with little choice but to begin assuming things about you I am sure you probably don't want assumed.
I understand there are some folks who are belligerent or surly. Go to the people who aren't. If you don't have any bigotry, ill-will or racism in your heart you shouldn't be worried about saying anything that would offend. If you do say something that you think the response was off just ask. Most people will politely tell you whether it's offensive or not. And, for those who are more abrasive just let them get it out but never be disrespected. From time to time we all say something that is amiss and nobody is above being checked but being disrespected is unacceptable if you genuinely unwittingly said something.
Now, for those folks who are little more disingenuous all I can really say is be better. The "I don't know what to say" line is really one more designed to shift blame and exercise this insatiable weird need some have to be aggrieved. Let's just call it what it is.
Saying you don't know what to say is a copout. It is the way of saying, "I would say something but people are so sensitive." Essentially it is the crude reductionist anti-political correctness argument. Even more it is an admission that you do say offensive things and are simply boycotting certain people because you don't want to be cognizant of what you say.
Communication is always the key. When it comes to interpersonal racism in this country the single biggest problem is we have never had frank raw conversations.
Now is not the time to shut down dialogue. It is the perfect time to open up the dialogue.
