"All lives matter!"
"All victims should be heard and respected."
Folks love to say the two previous sentences, but they seem to have trouble putting those statements into actual practice.
The former statement is one of the most cringe worthy statements ever because it drips with cynicism, condescension and disingenuousness. It is a rebuff to "black lives matter". However, it is not meant literally because it's usually uttered after someone laments the unnecessary and often unjustified deaths of black people. And, way too often these deaths come at the hands of law enforcement.
The latter statement of "victims should be heard and respected" is much too frequently a statement that is soaked in patronage and dismissiveness. The words sound empathetic on their face but it is really just specious and condescending.
It's no secret over the last couple of weeks two of the stories dominating the headlines are Bret Kavanagh's nomination and impending confirmation to the Supreme Court along with the killing of Dallas, Texas resident Botham Jean at the hands of Dallas police officer Amber Guygur.
Both of these stories have illuminated some very real and very pervasive issues within our society. What has stood out to me, however, is the penchant many people have to blame the alleged victim and then shame said victim.
Now, this is blaming and shaming is not unilateral. It often appears to be quite subjective depending on what the crime is, who the victim is and who the alleged perpetrator is.
Victims of sexual assault, for example, often face ridicule, besmirching and not being believed. This is why sexual assault and abuse are atop the list of the least reported crimes and have been forever. Especially if the alleged assaulter is someone well known, influential or has a exemplary reputation the victim is presumed to be lying and must go well above and beyond to prove they have been violated. And, even then...
We see what happens when a person of color is the victim of police brutality or worse murdered. It is always assumed the person of color is a criminal or did something to precipitate the "unfortunate" incident. For some people the attitude always is regardless of facts law enforcement is beyond reproach and the black/brown person did something causing them a deserved death.
The most disturbing trend and pattern of behavior beyond the victim blaming is the victim shaming.
We see this happen all the time.
People always say about assault and abuse victims, "Why didn't they report it?" It's a specious question because people know why victims don't report. They are scared and likely have been threatened of consequences if they say anything. Victims often feel shame and turn guilt inward. They are afraid of not being believed and name called which is like being assaulted all over again. So, there is no mystery why people don't report. You have to be pretty damn dense or just callous to not comprehend that.
And, what I hear is, "If it was me, I'd tell." Ok. That is you. That is not the standard procedure and feelings of most sexual assault victims. And, what I always say to those folks who say that, "Are you a victim? If not, you don't really know what you would do. It's always easy to flap your gums about hypotheticals you don't think will happen nor can imagine happening."
Then, the worst to me are people who are victims but degrade and demonize other victims for not saying anything or waiting for a long period of time because they themselves said something or went to authorities.
People cannot be this un-empathetic and simple-minded. Can they?
It is wonderful you were able to have the strength to go to the authorities and fight back. It's awesome you felt you had a strong enough support system to stand up to your assaulter. But, you're an anomaly. Not everyone is strong like that. Not everyone has a solid support system. Not everyone has faith in their support system. And, far too often that lack of faith has been proven to be justified for many victims.
I would be remised if I didn't mention the people who call sexual assault, sexual abuse and rape victims "sluts, "whores" "skanks" and "loose". Ya know the folks whose first words to an assault victim is, "What were you wearing? Were you drinking? Why were you there? Did you lead him on?"
It is astounding to me how people like that live with themselves. Never does the idea of displaying empathy occur to them. Let alone does the concept of holding the assaulter to account cross their mind. It is inconceivable to say about the perp they should not take advantage of someone or attack someone regardless of their mental or emotional state or what they were wearing.
For that matter what their sexual history is. I don't give a shit if a woman bangs every dude in a 50 mile radius. It's HER CHOICE! Her perceived sexual promiscuity does not give license some piece of shit to rape her! If you think it does, YOU NEED JESUS AND AN INFUSION OF HUMANITY!
Now, regarding just about every time an unarmed person of color is assaulted or murdered by those sworn to protect them the same type of heinous shaming takes place.
It almost never fails immediately after the death an intense scrubbing of the victim's background takes place. If the brotha so much as stole a piece of Bubblicious, it is leaked to media as if it serves as some sort of justification.
Take the Botham Jean case. Amber Guygur ILLEGALLY entered his apartment. She says she was disoriented after working a 15 hour shift and mistakenly entered his apartment because the "door was ajar". I'll ignore the bullshit about a 15 hour shift as an excuse. But, I won't ignore multiple witnesses saying they heard banging on the door and shouting from Officer Guyguy before two gunshots were fired.
Guygur said Jean didn't adhere to verbal commands. Uh, excuse me, heffa but why did he have to adhere to your commands? You weren't on the clock. And yo ass was in his house uninvited and ILLEGALLY!
For the record no weapon nor sign of a weapon was found. No struggle appeared to take place.
However, a warrant was requested and granted to search Botham Jean's apartment for drugs but no such warrant was sought for Amber Guygur's dwelling.
Subsequently, a small amount of weed was "discovered" in Jean's apartment. This info was leaked to the press who took no time in making it public without any context.
After public outrage the police made it clear they do not know if the chron was Jean's. Of course, it really doesn't matter because the desired narrative had been set and the victim shaming was in full swing.
This happens all the time. Some innocuous infraction from the victim's past is found to distract from what happened in the present. Even if the infractions are more than innocuous they never have any bearing on the incident that took place but if they can make the obvious victim look like bad the desired effect is successful.
It is despicable!
The practice of victim blaming and then victim shaming is a tried and true method. It's simple. Shift the attention away from the actual crime. If racism or sexism has to be employed, so be it.
The reason for this could be as plain as folks holding onto archaic principles or misguided attempts to hold onto certain folks' supremacy. Or, it may be to protect a political ideology or an individual for a number of reasons, most of which are usually self-serving.
#WhyIDontReport began trending Friday. It's a very real thing. I have stated several times I know a couple of women who were sexually assaulted and I know a couple of more who were physically abused. It is so easy to say the victims should talk. However, it's never easy for those victims to talk or take actions.
Their fears and concerns are real and justified.
It should be noted abusers and assaulters don't just inflict physical damage on their victims but emotional and mental damage. The emotional damage does not only stem from the act of depravity itself. Almost always threats, victim shaming, intimidation and emotional manipulation is employed by the perpetrators.
These are just facts.
People are afraid of not being believed. In the vast majority of cases proof nor witnesses are readily available. Sexual assaulters are cowards, so it's not as if they are doing this shit in the open for all to see.
Proving these things are hard. So, most victims decide to say nothing because why would they want to be doubted and called names and assaulted all over again?
Why don't they report? Because their lives don't really matter.
Why do people of color say, black lives matter? Because it doesn't really seem to many they do matter.
"All victims should be heard and respected."
Folks love to say the two previous sentences, but they seem to have trouble putting those statements into actual practice.
The former statement is one of the most cringe worthy statements ever because it drips with cynicism, condescension and disingenuousness. It is a rebuff to "black lives matter". However, it is not meant literally because it's usually uttered after someone laments the unnecessary and often unjustified deaths of black people. And, way too often these deaths come at the hands of law enforcement.
The latter statement of "victims should be heard and respected" is much too frequently a statement that is soaked in patronage and dismissiveness. The words sound empathetic on their face but it is really just specious and condescending.
It's no secret over the last couple of weeks two of the stories dominating the headlines are Bret Kavanagh's nomination and impending confirmation to the Supreme Court along with the killing of Dallas, Texas resident Botham Jean at the hands of Dallas police officer Amber Guygur.
Both of these stories have illuminated some very real and very pervasive issues within our society. What has stood out to me, however, is the penchant many people have to blame the alleged victim and then shame said victim.
Now, this is blaming and shaming is not unilateral. It often appears to be quite subjective depending on what the crime is, who the victim is and who the alleged perpetrator is.
Victims of sexual assault, for example, often face ridicule, besmirching and not being believed. This is why sexual assault and abuse are atop the list of the least reported crimes and have been forever. Especially if the alleged assaulter is someone well known, influential or has a exemplary reputation the victim is presumed to be lying and must go well above and beyond to prove they have been violated. And, even then...
We see what happens when a person of color is the victim of police brutality or worse murdered. It is always assumed the person of color is a criminal or did something to precipitate the "unfortunate" incident. For some people the attitude always is regardless of facts law enforcement is beyond reproach and the black/brown person did something causing them a deserved death.
The most disturbing trend and pattern of behavior beyond the victim blaming is the victim shaming.
We see this happen all the time.
People always say about assault and abuse victims, "Why didn't they report it?" It's a specious question because people know why victims don't report. They are scared and likely have been threatened of consequences if they say anything. Victims often feel shame and turn guilt inward. They are afraid of not being believed and name called which is like being assaulted all over again. So, there is no mystery why people don't report. You have to be pretty damn dense or just callous to not comprehend that.
And, what I hear is, "If it was me, I'd tell." Ok. That is you. That is not the standard procedure and feelings of most sexual assault victims. And, what I always say to those folks who say that, "Are you a victim? If not, you don't really know what you would do. It's always easy to flap your gums about hypotheticals you don't think will happen nor can imagine happening."
Then, the worst to me are people who are victims but degrade and demonize other victims for not saying anything or waiting for a long period of time because they themselves said something or went to authorities.
People cannot be this un-empathetic and simple-minded. Can they?
It is wonderful you were able to have the strength to go to the authorities and fight back. It's awesome you felt you had a strong enough support system to stand up to your assaulter. But, you're an anomaly. Not everyone is strong like that. Not everyone has a solid support system. Not everyone has faith in their support system. And, far too often that lack of faith has been proven to be justified for many victims.
I would be remised if I didn't mention the people who call sexual assault, sexual abuse and rape victims "sluts, "whores" "skanks" and "loose". Ya know the folks whose first words to an assault victim is, "What were you wearing? Were you drinking? Why were you there? Did you lead him on?"
It is astounding to me how people like that live with themselves. Never does the idea of displaying empathy occur to them. Let alone does the concept of holding the assaulter to account cross their mind. It is inconceivable to say about the perp they should not take advantage of someone or attack someone regardless of their mental or emotional state or what they were wearing.
For that matter what their sexual history is. I don't give a shit if a woman bangs every dude in a 50 mile radius. It's HER CHOICE! Her perceived sexual promiscuity does not give license some piece of shit to rape her! If you think it does, YOU NEED JESUS AND AN INFUSION OF HUMANITY!
Now, regarding just about every time an unarmed person of color is assaulted or murdered by those sworn to protect them the same type of heinous shaming takes place.
It almost never fails immediately after the death an intense scrubbing of the victim's background takes place. If the brotha so much as stole a piece of Bubblicious, it is leaked to media as if it serves as some sort of justification.
Take the Botham Jean case. Amber Guygur ILLEGALLY entered his apartment. She says she was disoriented after working a 15 hour shift and mistakenly entered his apartment because the "door was ajar". I'll ignore the bullshit about a 15 hour shift as an excuse. But, I won't ignore multiple witnesses saying they heard banging on the door and shouting from Officer Guyguy before two gunshots were fired.
Guygur said Jean didn't adhere to verbal commands. Uh, excuse me, heffa but why did he have to adhere to your commands? You weren't on the clock. And yo ass was in his house uninvited and ILLEGALLY!
For the record no weapon nor sign of a weapon was found. No struggle appeared to take place.
However, a warrant was requested and granted to search Botham Jean's apartment for drugs but no such warrant was sought for Amber Guygur's dwelling.
Subsequently, a small amount of weed was "discovered" in Jean's apartment. This info was leaked to the press who took no time in making it public without any context.
After public outrage the police made it clear they do not know if the chron was Jean's. Of course, it really doesn't matter because the desired narrative had been set and the victim shaming was in full swing.
This happens all the time. Some innocuous infraction from the victim's past is found to distract from what happened in the present. Even if the infractions are more than innocuous they never have any bearing on the incident that took place but if they can make the obvious victim look like bad the desired effect is successful.
It is despicable!
The practice of victim blaming and then victim shaming is a tried and true method. It's simple. Shift the attention away from the actual crime. If racism or sexism has to be employed, so be it.
The reason for this could be as plain as folks holding onto archaic principles or misguided attempts to hold onto certain folks' supremacy. Or, it may be to protect a political ideology or an individual for a number of reasons, most of which are usually self-serving.
#WhyIDontReport began trending Friday. It's a very real thing. I have stated several times I know a couple of women who were sexually assaulted and I know a couple of more who were physically abused. It is so easy to say the victims should talk. However, it's never easy for those victims to talk or take actions.
Their fears and concerns are real and justified.
It should be noted abusers and assaulters don't just inflict physical damage on their victims but emotional and mental damage. The emotional damage does not only stem from the act of depravity itself. Almost always threats, victim shaming, intimidation and emotional manipulation is employed by the perpetrators.
These are just facts.
People are afraid of not being believed. In the vast majority of cases proof nor witnesses are readily available. Sexual assaulters are cowards, so it's not as if they are doing this shit in the open for all to see.
Proving these things are hard. So, most victims decide to say nothing because why would they want to be doubted and called names and assaulted all over again?
Why don't they report? Because their lives don't really matter.
Why do people of color say, black lives matter? Because it doesn't really seem to many they do matter.
