An American Myth: Opinion And Honesty Are Respected

We hear often in our society people say they want honesty, appreciate candor and respect other's opinions. In today's world more often than not people are lying when they say any of that. We all know it's not true because we've been the recipient of the anger or resentment when we are honest with someone. We have experienced the recoil when we express an opinion that is unpopular. And, many of us ourselves have not only been recipients of such behavior but have been the perpetrators of it as well.


Truth be told we have always been this way as a society. We, as a country, have a long line of people who were made social outcasts or denounced as troublemakers and dissidents for expressing their opinions on the issues of the day. It just seems that in the current climate it's worse than it's ever been and rightfully so.


When many people say things like, "I respect other's opinions", "I enjoy the debating of ideas", "I think diverse opinions are good" they're usually lying. What they really mean is they respect other's opinions as long as it is the same as theirs. They only enjoy debating if they're seen as the winner and right. The former is more important than the latter. And, often if you read through a social media thread you'll likely see less of a debate and more of a petulant online shouting match which usually ends with someone getting blocked. And, when they say "diverse" opinions they mean they don't care whom the opinion comes from as long as it's THEIR opinion.


Perhaps, you're saying right now, "Rob, you're being awfully cynical. People aren't that close-minded." Oh, yeah? Be a liberal and go say to some conservatives, "I think affirmative action has some positives to it" and see how well that opinion is respected. Or, be a conservative and say to some liberals, "You know there is some merit to the belief of the way to stop a bad guy with a gun is with a good guy with a gun" and see how the reaction goes. We have become so tribal and so enamored with our own perceived correctness on every issue that we don't want to listen to anything that could possibly chip away at that. Frankly, we as a society don't want to critically think so we instinctively shoot down anything that is contradictory to what we believe and we don't want to have the capacity to respect someone else's opinion.


As for honesty, we are not really interested in that either. People love to say, "I love candor and honesty", "I hate liars". Allow me to translate for you what is really meant. They love candor as long as it isn't about them. People say they hate liars but what they hate is them being lied to. They'll lie in a heartbeat and have no problems with others being lied to (especially if it benefits them).


Again, it sounds like I'm being cynical but am I? Tell someone you think is doing wrong to others that they're not right and see what that reaction is. For every two people that will say, "Maybe you're right", you'll have at least another two sneer at you and immediately push back.


People say they respect and appreciate honesty and others opinions because it sounds good. It is the right thing to say it but it's not how they really feel.


Of course, I'm not saying this is true of all people or even the vast majority. But, it's true of many. Don't believe me? Look at the political discourse and partisanship that exists in this country right now. Truthfully think about how many people who have a different ideology from you that you can have an intelligent civil debate with. Give sincere honest thought to how many people feel they can have one with you. Ask yourself how many people in your life can you truly be honest and candid without them trippin on you or immediately getting defensive or whom you fear would stop talking to you all together.


Simply, more folks than not want you to be honest with them until you are. More folks than not respect your opinion until you give it. That has to change if we're going to progress as a society.