Blunt Honesty Is Often Disingenuous Honesty

Some people love to tell you they admire honesty. They love to tell you they're just honest; not rude. But, I've discovered that isn't actually the case.


I had a friend in high school who was pretty blunt and straightforward. She rarely minced words and she was very matter of fact in what she said. She often came across as bitchy.


One day I told her she could be terse sometimes. She asked, "You mean I can be a bitch?" I told her yes. She paused a few seconds before answering and said, "Perhaps, you're right. I don't mean to be. I'm just very matter of fact in what I say." I then thought about her response and her pause before responding. I realized that whenever I or anyone else came back at her or responded to something she said she always paused before responding. Although she could be terse she never became defensive or had an attitude. She always said she respected honesty. And, she did. Because while she could be blunt she always took bluntness in return.


Now, I compare to most "blunt" people I've known since. They all say they respect straightforwardness and honesty, but what they really mean is they respect it as long as it's coming from them. Whenever someone is blunt with them they almost always immediately respond with defensiveness, an attitude and pettiness. They don't take the honesty in and see if it has merit. They immediately become hateful. But, of course, they expect the recipients of their "bluntness" to take it and "deal with it".


This fake love of honesty is part of the problem in this country when it comes to the division and polarization that is rampant in our society. If someone is going to be brutally honest, then they have to be willing to accept it when it's given to them.