As soon as someone says or does something racist a group of people (usually white) spout off, "#NotAllWhitePeople!" A guy inappropriately touches or sexually assaults a woman and the innate response is, "NotAllMen!".
I get it. It is a defensive reaction. People tend to think they're being included in whatever transgression has taken place. But, the reality is the reaction drips with insincerity and a failure (whether intentional or not) to actually acknowledge the issue.
A few weeks ago I read a terrific Twitter thread that touched on this very topic. I will not go tweet by tweet but I will hit on the gist of the topic.
The author of the tweet said let's imagine there are a group of kids in a school. There are 10 white students and three students of color. Six of the white students are bullies. The other four white students do not particularly care for or even hate these six students because they are bullies and obnoxious.
Well, the six bullies decide to start stealing the three minority kids' lunches. The group of four white students are aware of this and even offer sympathy toward the students of color revealing their disdain for the bullies but they never intervene.
After a couple of weeks the students of color become tired of the bullying and being hungry everyday. They go to their teacher to voice their concerns. The teacher says she will speak with school administration.
Well, the administration does nothing, so the bullying continues. A week passes and the students of color confront the group of four. "You guys see these jerks stealing our lunches every day; yet, you do nothing. Why? We try to fight back but they outnumber us two to one", the students of color say.
"Look, we hate those assholes as much as you do but we don't wanna get involved. We know what they are doing to you is wrong", says the group of four.
The students of color decide to go to their teacher again. Except this time when they complain about the bullies they are not specific and simply say, "those white students". The group of four immediately respond, "It's not us. It's them (pointing to the bullies). Don't put this on us. Not all white kids are like that."
One of students of color retorts, "We didn't say all of you are doing it. But you know what is going on and just standby. You act you are upset by the bullying but you do nothing to intervene. You never say anything to those bullies. So, what are we to think other than you do not really have an issue with it."
And, that last paragraph is why I am writing this blog.
When an incident of racism or misogyny takes your first response should not be " not all white people", "not all men". Unless someone makes a blanket statement why would that be the initial response.
If I say, "I'm tired of racist white people", why would you believe I am talking about you?
The response to that is usually, "I don't but not all white people are racist. I abhor racism." I am aware that all white people are not racist but I am talking about the ones who are.
What frustrates me most is that the type of person who has that initial response seems to miss the entire point. They say they abhor racism but appear fearful of calling it out. They are consumed with making sure know they are not racist, which actually makes me wonder because of their adamant protests.
Most people fully know no one group of people are a monolith. I realize not all white people are racists. Most are not. However, when you hear or see racism your innate response should not be to become defense council for the non-racist white contingency. It should be to condemn and repudiate the racism.
Same attitude applies to sexism and misogyny. If a woman is venting, "I am disgusted with the way some men continue to perpetuate rape culture and feel women only exist for their carnal pleasures", and your immediate response is, "not all men" there is an issue.
The vast majority of people are aware not all men are chauvinist pigs. However, some (too many) men are. Becoming defensive to say you or your man is not a dog while ignoring the fact there are men who are or the subject being discussed is frustrating. Truthfully, it's infuriating.
I understand not all men sexist rape culture enabling jackholes but may we address the ones who are? Why is it so hard to not feel the need to defend yourself from an accusations nobody made against you and condemn sexism, misogyny and/or rape culture?
Saying "not all ______" is weak. It is a copout. It just is. And, it plants doubt as to how much you really aren't what you're saying you are not.
Look, I'm going to keep it real. If you are white and not a racist or a bigot, terrific! But, your actions and words will reveal that. If you feel the need to tell me you're not especially in response to a racist comment or action, I'm going to frown up. If you do that without ever explicitly denouncing the racist comment or action I'm going side-eye you. Instead of unnecessarily (or should be unnecessarily if you are genuine) imploring me to believe you are not a racist, how about you repudiate the racism. I mean that would be great.
It would also be great if instead of employing questionable defenses of your virtues you would display some empathy and backbone.
I know you are not calling me a "nigger" or slut shaming a sexual assault victim. What do you want? A pat on the back? A "good job, keep up the good work"? So, instead of telling me you are not doing those things it would be hella sweet if you could denounce those who are and refrain from offering spurious excuses for their defense such as: "Well, that is how they grew up."
I hate to sound like a broken record but again I know it's not all men or not all white people or not all Republicans. I know a plethora of all these people and many are great people. I am talking about those belonging to those groups who are not such great people or who don't say such nice things.
See, you don't need to convince me you're not a hateful myopic asshole. You need to convince me you're not ok or willing to look the other way on hateful myopic assholes. Because, that will truly tell me whether you are or aren't a hateful myopic asshole.
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I get it. It is a defensive reaction. People tend to think they're being included in whatever transgression has taken place. But, the reality is the reaction drips with insincerity and a failure (whether intentional or not) to actually acknowledge the issue.
A few weeks ago I read a terrific Twitter thread that touched on this very topic. I will not go tweet by tweet but I will hit on the gist of the topic.
The author of the tweet said let's imagine there are a group of kids in a school. There are 10 white students and three students of color. Six of the white students are bullies. The other four white students do not particularly care for or even hate these six students because they are bullies and obnoxious.
Well, the six bullies decide to start stealing the three minority kids' lunches. The group of four white students are aware of this and even offer sympathy toward the students of color revealing their disdain for the bullies but they never intervene.
After a couple of weeks the students of color become tired of the bullying and being hungry everyday. They go to their teacher to voice their concerns. The teacher says she will speak with school administration.
Well, the administration does nothing, so the bullying continues. A week passes and the students of color confront the group of four. "You guys see these jerks stealing our lunches every day; yet, you do nothing. Why? We try to fight back but they outnumber us two to one", the students of color say.
"Look, we hate those assholes as much as you do but we don't wanna get involved. We know what they are doing to you is wrong", says the group of four.
The students of color decide to go to their teacher again. Except this time when they complain about the bullies they are not specific and simply say, "those white students". The group of four immediately respond, "It's not us. It's them (pointing to the bullies). Don't put this on us. Not all white kids are like that."
One of students of color retorts, "We didn't say all of you are doing it. But you know what is going on and just standby. You act you are upset by the bullying but you do nothing to intervene. You never say anything to those bullies. So, what are we to think other than you do not really have an issue with it."
And, that last paragraph is why I am writing this blog.
When an incident of racism or misogyny takes your first response should not be " not all white people", "not all men". Unless someone makes a blanket statement why would that be the initial response.
If I say, "I'm tired of racist white people", why would you believe I am talking about you?
The response to that is usually, "I don't but not all white people are racist. I abhor racism." I am aware that all white people are not racist but I am talking about the ones who are.
What frustrates me most is that the type of person who has that initial response seems to miss the entire point. They say they abhor racism but appear fearful of calling it out. They are consumed with making sure know they are not racist, which actually makes me wonder because of their adamant protests.
Most people fully know no one group of people are a monolith. I realize not all white people are racists. Most are not. However, when you hear or see racism your innate response should not be to become defense council for the non-racist white contingency. It should be to condemn and repudiate the racism.
Same attitude applies to sexism and misogyny. If a woman is venting, "I am disgusted with the way some men continue to perpetuate rape culture and feel women only exist for their carnal pleasures", and your immediate response is, "not all men" there is an issue.
The vast majority of people are aware not all men are chauvinist pigs. However, some (too many) men are. Becoming defensive to say you or your man is not a dog while ignoring the fact there are men who are or the subject being discussed is frustrating. Truthfully, it's infuriating.
I understand not all men sexist rape culture enabling jackholes but may we address the ones who are? Why is it so hard to not feel the need to defend yourself from an accusations nobody made against you and condemn sexism, misogyny and/or rape culture?
Saying "not all ______" is weak. It is a copout. It just is. And, it plants doubt as to how much you really aren't what you're saying you are not.
Look, I'm going to keep it real. If you are white and not a racist or a bigot, terrific! But, your actions and words will reveal that. If you feel the need to tell me you're not especially in response to a racist comment or action, I'm going to frown up. If you do that without ever explicitly denouncing the racist comment or action I'm going side-eye you. Instead of unnecessarily (or should be unnecessarily if you are genuine) imploring me to believe you are not a racist, how about you repudiate the racism. I mean that would be great.
It would also be great if instead of employing questionable defenses of your virtues you would display some empathy and backbone.
I know you are not calling me a "nigger" or slut shaming a sexual assault victim. What do you want? A pat on the back? A "good job, keep up the good work"? So, instead of telling me you are not doing those things it would be hella sweet if you could denounce those who are and refrain from offering spurious excuses for their defense such as: "Well, that is how they grew up."
I hate to sound like a broken record but again I know it's not all men or not all white people or not all Republicans. I know a plethora of all these people and many are great people. I am talking about those belonging to those groups who are not such great people or who don't say such nice things.
See, you don't need to convince me you're not a hateful myopic asshole. You need to convince me you're not ok or willing to look the other way on hateful myopic assholes. Because, that will truly tell me whether you are or aren't a hateful myopic asshole.
www.facebook.com/robbase2110
www.twitter.com/robbase2110
www.instagram.com/robbase2110
www.patreon.com/robeasley
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