A mistake so many people (including me) make is letting the opinions of one, two or three people determine our self-image.
We should always determine our own self-image. Of course, take input from others. But, as the saying goes, you can't expect others to love you if you don't love yourself. Now, that doesn't mean having an inflated view of yourself. It doesn't mean being cocky and arrogant is ok. But, it also doesn't mean being self-loathing is ok.
What I noticed (including myself) is that way too many people allow negative toxic people to shape our self-image. We don't listen to those who give us positive feedback and constructive criticism. We indulge those people who put us down, criticize us about insignificant innocuous things and compare us to other people pointing out the ways we are "inferior" to them.
We allow people to assault our self-esteem. We permit people to make us feel worthless or overly flawed. And, the question is why? Why do we do this? Why do we allow the opinion of one or two people (which is usually unfairly biased) outweigh the opinions of the many? It's fascinating to me because I see it in myself and others.
I've recently had an epiphany-one which I wish had come earlier in life. People who intentionally put you down or make you feel inferior will wrap their criticism in packaging of concern or "love" or "being honest" when in reality it's just toxic. This toxicity is almost always born out of insecurity and/or narcissism. People who make you feel less than are often jealous or merely have disdain for whatever it is in you that makes people like you or gives you confidence.
People will ignore positive things 10 people said to them and give credence to something negative one petty ass fool said. I've been guilty of this and seen it in others. It's absolutely inane. People who give real constructive criticism will look to lift you up instead of just tearing you down.
We have to stop letting negative people infiltrate our lives with their toxicity. We can't allow negativity to shape how we see ourselves. People who are always shading you in favor of themselves or someone else they deem "worthy" aren't having your best interest at heart. You have to determine if someone is simply demeaning you to make them feel better about them. You can't shape your self-worth by that.
Know who you are. Know what you're real flaws are and work to improve them. Also, know your strengths and your positives and celebrate them. Know your self-worth and let nobody actively seek to tear you down. Your self-esteem is one of the few things you have that is all yours.
Don't let anyone rob it!
Tuesday, May 22, 2018
Monday, May 21, 2018
We Have A Right To Be Pissed
"Why are you making so much of this? It is one incident. Oh gawd, just let it go. Everything is not racism. And, even if it is, y'all make such a big ordeal. I mean do you even know what I go through. I can't even go into a McDonald's without hearing that Spanish or some Black chick butchering the English language. I mean if they can't speak no good English, then why are they here? White people are far more prejudiced against. I mean say "jungle bunny" and see how all the 'brothas' get offended. Used to be in this country a person could say something without er'body getting upset. I mean, shit, I know slavery happened but my ancestors did pull your asses out of the jungle and taught you about decency and Jesus."
*Raise your hand if you've had part or all of that or something similar said to you before.*
Hell, I've had similar intimated and flat out said to me in the last two weeks.
You want to know why black and brown people are upset, frustrated, exasperated, straight up pissed as hell? The answer is very simple. We are sick and tired of being sick and tired of the attitude described above still being prevalent in today's society. We are fed the eff up with aforementioned attitude and it's prevalence leading to the police constantly being called on us for merely existing. We are tired of having to prove we belong somewhere simply because some random White person assumes we don't belong or has some bigoted irrational fear of black/brown skin. We are so over of never being able to speak up or speak out or take a stand when an injustice occurs without being labeled "ignorant", "thugs", "ungrateful", "uppity", "uninformed" and "disrespectful". We are beyond done with everything about us being attacked, belittled and disrespected whether it be our leaders, our clothing, our music, our history or our culture.
We are accused of not assimilating into society which is just inanely stupid! We have no choice but to assimilate and we do. We have a white president whom can barely put consecutive coherent sentences together and spells like a remedial sixth grade student. But, it's Black folks who are "illiterate" because we say "fo sho". Get all the way the fuck outta here!
Honestly, though, what we are done with the most are the number of "good people", "Christian people", "tolerant/progressive people" who see this nonsense happening and either stay silent or become apologists. Many people know (or should know) recent events along with things like #Charlottesville and the president's Twitter feed are patently and inherently wrong; yet, they say nothing. They know #BBQBecky, the chick that called the cops on the #Airbnb folks and the chick who called the cops on the Yale student are trifilin heffas. They know, if they aren't racist, racism at least played a part but stay silent.
They can be outraged at a comedienne saying Sarah Huckabee Sanders has a "smokey eye" but can't be outraged at a woman calling the police on a black family who was peacefully attempting to enjoy a Sunday afternoon at the park and then blatantly lied to the police they were harassing her? What is wrong here? How do they justify that? How do they reconcile that?
And, I get it. I do. People don't wanna speak up or even hit the like button on a post they agree with because they don't want to get blasted. They don't wanna be labeled or seem political. They don't wanna get hammered by the #Resistance or have some #Trumpster call them "un-American" or "un-godly". I understand.
But, at some point we all must acknowledge right is right and wrong is wrong. And I know the Christianity I was taught said to love one another and lookout for one another. I don't remember any qualifiers regarding race or religion or political affiliation. But, maybe I'm wrong.
So, yes, we are pissed. Like it or not we live here too. We are just as American as any other American. We deserve to be respected. We have the right to bbq without some nosey bigot calling the police on us for illegal grilling. We have the right to sleep in the common area of a dorm we live in like everyone else. We have the right carry luggage out of a rental house without some wanna be neighborhood watch calling the po-po on us because we "look strange" aka because we're Black. We have every right to get that greasy ass shit from Waffle House and ask for some extra napkins without getting the police called and subsequently choked out.
Until, we can just live and not fear of getting arrested or worse simply because some chicken shit bish ass coward shutters at the site of a Negro, we are going to stay pissed. I'm tired of saying, "This is happening in 2018?" Yes, it fucking is and it needs to stop now!
I can hear folks now saying, "Uh, I'm tired of hearing about racism." Well, we are tired of experiencing it and living it! So now what?!
*Raise your hand if you've had part or all of that or something similar said to you before.*
Hell, I've had similar intimated and flat out said to me in the last two weeks.
You want to know why black and brown people are upset, frustrated, exasperated, straight up pissed as hell? The answer is very simple. We are sick and tired of being sick and tired of the attitude described above still being prevalent in today's society. We are fed the eff up with aforementioned attitude and it's prevalence leading to the police constantly being called on us for merely existing. We are tired of having to prove we belong somewhere simply because some random White person assumes we don't belong or has some bigoted irrational fear of black/brown skin. We are so over of never being able to speak up or speak out or take a stand when an injustice occurs without being labeled "ignorant", "thugs", "ungrateful", "uppity", "uninformed" and "disrespectful". We are beyond done with everything about us being attacked, belittled and disrespected whether it be our leaders, our clothing, our music, our history or our culture.
We are accused of not assimilating into society which is just inanely stupid! We have no choice but to assimilate and we do. We have a white president whom can barely put consecutive coherent sentences together and spells like a remedial sixth grade student. But, it's Black folks who are "illiterate" because we say "fo sho". Get all the way the fuck outta here!
Honestly, though, what we are done with the most are the number of "good people", "Christian people", "tolerant/progressive people" who see this nonsense happening and either stay silent or become apologists. Many people know (or should know) recent events along with things like #Charlottesville and the president's Twitter feed are patently and inherently wrong; yet, they say nothing. They know #BBQBecky, the chick that called the cops on the #Airbnb folks and the chick who called the cops on the Yale student are trifilin heffas. They know, if they aren't racist, racism at least played a part but stay silent.
They can be outraged at a comedienne saying Sarah Huckabee Sanders has a "smokey eye" but can't be outraged at a woman calling the police on a black family who was peacefully attempting to enjoy a Sunday afternoon at the park and then blatantly lied to the police they were harassing her? What is wrong here? How do they justify that? How do they reconcile that?
And, I get it. I do. People don't wanna speak up or even hit the like button on a post they agree with because they don't want to get blasted. They don't wanna be labeled or seem political. They don't wanna get hammered by the #Resistance or have some #Trumpster call them "un-American" or "un-godly". I understand.
But, at some point we all must acknowledge right is right and wrong is wrong. And I know the Christianity I was taught said to love one another and lookout for one another. I don't remember any qualifiers regarding race or religion or political affiliation. But, maybe I'm wrong.
So, yes, we are pissed. Like it or not we live here too. We are just as American as any other American. We deserve to be respected. We have the right to bbq without some nosey bigot calling the police on us for illegal grilling. We have the right to sleep in the common area of a dorm we live in like everyone else. We have the right carry luggage out of a rental house without some wanna be neighborhood watch calling the po-po on us because we "look strange" aka because we're Black. We have every right to get that greasy ass shit from Waffle House and ask for some extra napkins without getting the police called and subsequently choked out.
Until, we can just live and not fear of getting arrested or worse simply because some chicken shit bish ass coward shutters at the site of a Negro, we are going to stay pissed. I'm tired of saying, "This is happening in 2018?" Yes, it fucking is and it needs to stop now!
I can hear folks now saying, "Uh, I'm tired of hearing about racism." Well, we are tired of experiencing it and living it! So now what?!
Sunday, May 20, 2018
Beware Of Narcissists
No, this will not be a blog about Donald Trump. Well, at least not specifically. It will, however, be a blog about people like him, whom can effect one's life in a more direct personal way.
We all know at least one person who is a narcissist. Most of us know more than one. Some of us know more than we care to admit or which we are comfortable.
Some narcissists are obvious and over the top like Trump or Kayne West or Johnny Depp. They don't (or can't) even care to hide it. Many narcissists, though, attempt to be low-key. But, the rub is they can't. Their narcissism prevents them from ever being humble or inconspicuous.
Often times we tend to laugh off narcissists as attention whores or #KnowItAllGuys. But, the truth is it's dangerous to do that because most narcissists if allowed to infiltrate your life can be detrimental. They're not positive people and will usually bring negativity and chaos into your life. It's the same negativity and chaos that encapsulates their lives.
We all know those people who make everything about them. It's a staple characteristic of a narcissist. If you have good news, they have to top it with news about them or anyone they deem worthy of their inner circle. If you have bad news they have worse news. It has to always be about them. And, the caveat to this is often their news is either in part or totally untrue.
Now, that leads us to another common characteristic among narcissists and that is their lying. They love to lie. They lie about their accomplishments. They lie about their character traits. They lie about situations. They lie about other people. And, all of this lying has one primary goal, which is to make either seem great or a victim. It depends on the need and situation.
They also love to project. Projection is more of a favored hobby than lying. They love to say about other people the things which are in fact true about them. The reason for this is simple. Narcissist have to think everyone is as trifilin and paranoid as they are. When you here someone go on and on about how somebody lies or is unfaithful or lazy, ect they are in reality talking about themselves. They project those things onto others whether they be true or not to moralize and justify their own actions.
At their core narcissists are insecure and self-loathing.
This is where they can truly become cancerous in your life. Because of the insecurity and self-loathing they are always looking to tear others down, belittle them, demean them and make them feel insecure. They do this to make themselves feel better about them. And, it's not always obvious. They will do it through little jabs, actions, inaction, ect.
For example, one time this person I know was attempting to belittle the intelligence of someone else. In their attempt to belittle this person's intelligence they used me to make their point by saying something that on the surface sounded complimentary but was really a shot at me. They said, "Hey, Rob, you're fairly intelligent...". I retorted, "Well, I would say I'm more than 'fairly' intelligent." I then received a sneer and disdainful look, which confirmed it was meant to be an insult.
Another time (not long after my stroke) I mentioned to someone that I was coming along and while adjusting to my temporary limitations was difficult I was managing. This person responded, "Yeah, it must be tough being less than a man now." I was so taken aback I didn't respond. Of all the emotions and thoughts I was going through in the aftermath of my stroke being "less than a man" wasn't one of them. And, shamefully, I admit for a minute I started to question if I was less than a man or if that's how people saw me. But, I snapped out of it and saw the comment for what it was and what it's intention was.
These are the types of things narcissists say because they want to strip your self-esteem. They do things to destabilize your life emotionally, financially and physically all in an effort to aggrandize themselves. Narcissists truly believe everyone is always and should always be thinking about them. Everything you do should benefit them or it shouldn't be done.
And, perhaps, the greatest danger is if you don't think they're the smartest, toughest, best looking, ect and don't believe everything you do should be to their benefit they see you as the enemy. They begin hating you and will seek to destroy you in every way they can. With narcissist there are only two types of people: those whom either worship them or are willing to be beholden to them; and, the enemy.
And, most narcissists are almost always angry and hateful and anxious because the vast majority of people aren't going to worship them. So, they literally think that almost everyone is out to get them. They stay surly and mad because their narcissism has them believing that everybody is always thinking about them but the truth is 99.5% of people don't know them nor care to and 99.4% of people don't give two damns about what they're doing at any given time nor do they care to cater to them. Narcissists constantly get reminded of this, which drives them batshit crazy.
Narcissistic people can be really bad for you.
We all know at least one person who is a narcissist. Most of us know more than one. Some of us know more than we care to admit or which we are comfortable.
Some narcissists are obvious and over the top like Trump or Kayne West or Johnny Depp. They don't (or can't) even care to hide it. Many narcissists, though, attempt to be low-key. But, the rub is they can't. Their narcissism prevents them from ever being humble or inconspicuous.
Often times we tend to laugh off narcissists as attention whores or #KnowItAllGuys. But, the truth is it's dangerous to do that because most narcissists if allowed to infiltrate your life can be detrimental. They're not positive people and will usually bring negativity and chaos into your life. It's the same negativity and chaos that encapsulates their lives.
We all know those people who make everything about them. It's a staple characteristic of a narcissist. If you have good news, they have to top it with news about them or anyone they deem worthy of their inner circle. If you have bad news they have worse news. It has to always be about them. And, the caveat to this is often their news is either in part or totally untrue.
Now, that leads us to another common characteristic among narcissists and that is their lying. They love to lie. They lie about their accomplishments. They lie about their character traits. They lie about situations. They lie about other people. And, all of this lying has one primary goal, which is to make either seem great or a victim. It depends on the need and situation.
They also love to project. Projection is more of a favored hobby than lying. They love to say about other people the things which are in fact true about them. The reason for this is simple. Narcissist have to think everyone is as trifilin and paranoid as they are. When you here someone go on and on about how somebody lies or is unfaithful or lazy, ect they are in reality talking about themselves. They project those things onto others whether they be true or not to moralize and justify their own actions.
At their core narcissists are insecure and self-loathing.
This is where they can truly become cancerous in your life. Because of the insecurity and self-loathing they are always looking to tear others down, belittle them, demean them and make them feel insecure. They do this to make themselves feel better about them. And, it's not always obvious. They will do it through little jabs, actions, inaction, ect.
For example, one time this person I know was attempting to belittle the intelligence of someone else. In their attempt to belittle this person's intelligence they used me to make their point by saying something that on the surface sounded complimentary but was really a shot at me. They said, "Hey, Rob, you're fairly intelligent...". I retorted, "Well, I would say I'm more than 'fairly' intelligent." I then received a sneer and disdainful look, which confirmed it was meant to be an insult.
Another time (not long after my stroke) I mentioned to someone that I was coming along and while adjusting to my temporary limitations was difficult I was managing. This person responded, "Yeah, it must be tough being less than a man now." I was so taken aback I didn't respond. Of all the emotions and thoughts I was going through in the aftermath of my stroke being "less than a man" wasn't one of them. And, shamefully, I admit for a minute I started to question if I was less than a man or if that's how people saw me. But, I snapped out of it and saw the comment for what it was and what it's intention was.
These are the types of things narcissists say because they want to strip your self-esteem. They do things to destabilize your life emotionally, financially and physically all in an effort to aggrandize themselves. Narcissists truly believe everyone is always and should always be thinking about them. Everything you do should benefit them or it shouldn't be done.
And, perhaps, the greatest danger is if you don't think they're the smartest, toughest, best looking, ect and don't believe everything you do should be to their benefit they see you as the enemy. They begin hating you and will seek to destroy you in every way they can. With narcissist there are only two types of people: those whom either worship them or are willing to be beholden to them; and, the enemy.
And, most narcissists are almost always angry and hateful and anxious because the vast majority of people aren't going to worship them. So, they literally think that almost everyone is out to get them. They stay surly and mad because their narcissism has them believing that everybody is always thinking about them but the truth is 99.5% of people don't know them nor care to and 99.4% of people don't give two damns about what they're doing at any given time nor do they care to cater to them. Narcissists constantly get reminded of this, which drives them batshit crazy.
Narcissistic people can be really bad for you.
Thursday, May 17, 2018
Stop Calling The PoPo On Black Folks Simply Because They Are Black!
Read this very carefully. STOP CALLING THE DAMN POLICE ON BLACK FOLKS FOR JUST BEING BLACK! Yeah, I said it!
This crap of wanting Black people to be arrested for simply existing has to stop. It is getting to the point we can't do schnizit without some nosey trifilin cowardly bigot calling the police. We can't do our paid job without the po-po being called. We can't grill some damn rib tips without the police getting called. We can't get that greasy ass sausage and just barely not salmonella eggs from the Waffle House without the police being called. We can't sit at Starbucks waiting on a friend without the police showing up. We can't be in a dorm we live in at an university where we're an enrolled student without the police showing up. We can't show up at a junior high dance without-oh wait, that's just R. Kelly.
In all seriousness this ish has got to stop. I understand some are upset Black folk are in this country and our merely existing is upsetting. But, as y'all tell us about slavery GET OVER IT! We are here. We aren't going anywhere. This is our country too! We have the God given and constitutional right to live our lives without some racist punk ass clown calling the cops on us for living.
Look at these incidents in recent weeks at Waffle House. What? Black folks can't ask for some extra napkins and condiments? We can't point out when our order is incorrect and ask that it be corrected? We can't do that without being told to leave, then subsequently having the police show up and rough us up? For effin what? Some ketchup to put on those dry ass hashbrowns? GTFOH!
We can't wait for a friend at Starbucks without buying anything just like those child molesting looking white dudes do that hang out at every Starbucks?
A brotha can't take his wife and two kids to the park? He can't barbeque some food up for a picnic without some stringy haired bish calling the cops wanting the family jailed for illegally grilling chicken quarters?
I mean a young college student can't accidentally fall asleep in the common area of her dormitory after a long day of working and studying without some stuck up Ivy League bigot calling the police on her because she thought she broke in. Yeah, skank, she broke in, took nothing and decided to nap it out. STFU! You didn't think her type belonged there and could possibly be a student. And, before any of you apologists get to excusing she did the same effed up shit to another African-American student months earlier. Oh, and the local police aren't off the hook. After the African-American student proved she lived there the cops still harassed her. Too bad they all couldn't deny it but other students caught it on video. Damn cellphones!
This is ridiculous! The so-called "good" people of this country need to speak up! How do decent people let this kind of crap repeatedly happen to their fellow citizens? How do they not call it out? Well, unless, they're doing it themselves.
What maybe infuriates me the most is hearing people say such ignorant mess like, "Racism against Whites is way worse than it is against Blacks. Black people aren't recipients of biasness." 😐..........
*Breathe* What kind of bitchassness and fuckery is that?!You know what you can say that to me without me shading and dragging your ass from pillar to post when White folks are getting the police called on them for grilling in park or being in their own college dormitory or asking for ketchup from a low rent Denny's knock off or for inspecting a house, which is their paid job or for being in a Starbucks 10 minutes waiting on a friend. When that happens holla at 'cha boy. Until then, quit being disingenuous and blatantly dishonest. STOP IT!
AGAIN, QUIT CALLING THE PO-PO, THE SHERIFF, THE FBI, THE DEA OR LEROY JETHRO GIBBS ON US BECAUSE YOU HATE BLACK FOLKS AND/OR HAVE SOME DELUSIONAL RACIST FEAR OF US! STOP DOING IT! And, I'm very aware it was all in caps!
This crap of wanting Black people to be arrested for simply existing has to stop. It is getting to the point we can't do schnizit without some nosey trifilin cowardly bigot calling the police. We can't do our paid job without the po-po being called. We can't grill some damn rib tips without the police getting called. We can't get that greasy ass sausage and just barely not salmonella eggs from the Waffle House without the police being called. We can't sit at Starbucks waiting on a friend without the police showing up. We can't be in a dorm we live in at an university where we're an enrolled student without the police showing up. We can't show up at a junior high dance without-oh wait, that's just R. Kelly.
In all seriousness this ish has got to stop. I understand some are upset Black folk are in this country and our merely existing is upsetting. But, as y'all tell us about slavery GET OVER IT! We are here. We aren't going anywhere. This is our country too! We have the God given and constitutional right to live our lives without some racist punk ass clown calling the cops on us for living.
Look at these incidents in recent weeks at Waffle House. What? Black folks can't ask for some extra napkins and condiments? We can't point out when our order is incorrect and ask that it be corrected? We can't do that without being told to leave, then subsequently having the police show up and rough us up? For effin what? Some ketchup to put on those dry ass hashbrowns? GTFOH!
We can't wait for a friend at Starbucks without buying anything just like those child molesting looking white dudes do that hang out at every Starbucks?
A brotha can't take his wife and two kids to the park? He can't barbeque some food up for a picnic without some stringy haired bish calling the cops wanting the family jailed for illegally grilling chicken quarters?
I mean a young college student can't accidentally fall asleep in the common area of her dormitory after a long day of working and studying without some stuck up Ivy League bigot calling the police on her because she thought she broke in. Yeah, skank, she broke in, took nothing and decided to nap it out. STFU! You didn't think her type belonged there and could possibly be a student. And, before any of you apologists get to excusing she did the same effed up shit to another African-American student months earlier. Oh, and the local police aren't off the hook. After the African-American student proved she lived there the cops still harassed her. Too bad they all couldn't deny it but other students caught it on video. Damn cellphones!
This is ridiculous! The so-called "good" people of this country need to speak up! How do decent people let this kind of crap repeatedly happen to their fellow citizens? How do they not call it out? Well, unless, they're doing it themselves.
What maybe infuriates me the most is hearing people say such ignorant mess like, "Racism against Whites is way worse than it is against Blacks. Black people aren't recipients of biasness." 😐..........
*Breathe* What kind of bitchassness and fuckery is that?!You know what you can say that to me without me shading and dragging your ass from pillar to post when White folks are getting the police called on them for grilling in park or being in their own college dormitory or asking for ketchup from a low rent Denny's knock off or for inspecting a house, which is their paid job or for being in a Starbucks 10 minutes waiting on a friend. When that happens holla at 'cha boy. Until then, quit being disingenuous and blatantly dishonest. STOP IT!
AGAIN, QUIT CALLING THE PO-PO, THE SHERIFF, THE FBI, THE DEA OR LEROY JETHRO GIBBS ON US BECAUSE YOU HATE BLACK FOLKS AND/OR HAVE SOME DELUSIONAL RACIST FEAR OF US! STOP DOING IT! And, I'm very aware it was all in caps!
Wednesday, May 16, 2018
Selective "Tolerance" Doesn't Exempt You From Being A Racist
"I'm not a racist. I have a friend who is Black."
" How can you call me a bigot? I work with a Hispanic girl whom I adore."
"I'm not prejudice against any race. My little girl is friends with a Hispanic girl. I work with a Black guy, Asian chick and a Muslim dude who I all get along with. I even eat lunch with one of them frequently."
"I don't dislike White folks. There's an 'ol boy at the gym I talk to every time I'm in there."
I am sure we've all heard or made these statements or similar ones dozens, if not hundreds, of times before. I know I hear them frequently and read them on social media often. However, they are statements that are made either disingenuously or defensively missing the larger point usually.
People think if they like a poc or two it completely exempts them from being a racist. It does not. It's a silly argument at best. At worst it's a blatantly dishonest comment meant to swerve or muddy the waters.
Just because you like the Black guy, Dedric, at work or Elisa, the Hispanic chick who sits on the PTA with you or Raheem, the Muslim dude, whose son plays on your son's baseball team means that you are Mr./Ms. Equality or the " most un-racist person ever". It doesn't mean that whatsoever. It simply means you like "those" people. But, you generally don't like minorities.
I have dealt all my life with people who like me but speak negatively or insultingly about Black folks. When I was a young kid I blew it off or ignored it despite my parents drilling into me to be leery of anyone who does that. My mom would always tell me, "Those people may like you and even consider you a friend but at the end of the day when push comes to shove you're still a nigger. A nigger they tolerate but a nigger nonetheless." As I got older I began to understand exactly what she was saying and see the world less naively (at least through that lens).
Liking me didn't equate them believing I was truly equal to them nor did it equate to thinking poc in general were equal and the same. Sure, I was cool but they wouldn't want me dating their sister or cousin or friend for that matter. I am a "great guy" but I can't be family. *Whispering* "You're Black for God's sake. Interracial dating causes problems. For the kids, ya know." No, it causes problems for you! You don't think I'm good enough because while you like me or more like tolerate me, you don't like Blacks. And, therein lies the rub and the dishonesty about how some people really feel.
Look, I don't like Justin Bieber. I despise him. Howeva, I like his song, "Love Yourself". In fact, it's one of my all-time favorite songs. So, does me liking that song make me a Bieber fan? Of course, not. That is just ignorant. It means I like that particular song but generally hate his music. I mean people who hate vegetables don't usually hate ALL vegetables. They usually tolerate carrots or green beans. They like potatoes. They'll say, "But, potatoes aren't really vegetables."
And, that view leads to another thread of the subject. How many people have you heard say, "I like Jay-z. I like Chris Rock. I like Ice Cube. I like Kerry Washington. I loved Scandal. I really think Selena Gonez is cute." And, you reply (as you side-eye them), "Uh, you know they're all people of color, right?" Then, they respond, "Well, yeah but they're different. They're not really Black. They're celebrities." Every single time I hear that and I hear it more than you might think I wanna scream, "No, dumbass, they're not different. They're the same!" And, of course, somebody like Jay-z found out quickly (not that he already didn't know) that some saw him as just another "thug" or "nigger" the second he showed support for President Obama and Hillary Clinton.
So, the gist of this is simply liking or tolerating someone or a few people doesn't make you exempt from being a bigot or racist. Just like not using blatant slurs like "nigger" or "spic" or "gook" or "faggot" means you're automatically not racist or homophobic. If you genuinely have negative or hateful feelings about a particular race/ethnicity or say hateful things about a group of people, you need to evaluate how you really feel and check yourself.
I have always said and will always say, "Don't come at me with some shit about how tolerant and loving you are regarding other races and we are all equal if you would have a problem with your son or daughter or mother or father or best friend dating/marrying someone of a different ethnicity." I mean don't! I will call your ass out! Because if you truly believe we're all God's children and all equal then skin color or nationality shouldn't matter one bit! If the person is good and good to (insert family/friend) you shouldn't give a rat's left nut what they look like.
But, that's the elephant always in the room isn't it. To way too many people it does actually matter. Despite what they say they really do have bigoted and/or racist feelings. In some cases they may have interracial relationships in their family but while they smile and grit their teeth it actually disgusts them. "Your Aunt Macy may be married to a Black dude but don't let your ass think you're going to do that. Sure, Ben is ok but you ain't doing that. Plenty of good White fellas to choose." "Yes, Keisha is a sweetheart. She's funny and I love sitting next to her at work. But, she's an anomaly. Most of those people are thugs and lazy and breed like rabbits. It's not being racist. It's just being truthful. You know I'm right. I tell Keisha that all the time. She knows I'm just telling the facts because she just smiles and never says anything."
Don't tell me how you love Chinese people. And, the closet thing to Chinese that will ever be allowed in your home is an egg roll and some sweet and sour pork. Feel me.
" How can you call me a bigot? I work with a Hispanic girl whom I adore."
"I'm not prejudice against any race. My little girl is friends with a Hispanic girl. I work with a Black guy, Asian chick and a Muslim dude who I all get along with. I even eat lunch with one of them frequently."
"I don't dislike White folks. There's an 'ol boy at the gym I talk to every time I'm in there."
I am sure we've all heard or made these statements or similar ones dozens, if not hundreds, of times before. I know I hear them frequently and read them on social media often. However, they are statements that are made either disingenuously or defensively missing the larger point usually.
People think if they like a poc or two it completely exempts them from being a racist. It does not. It's a silly argument at best. At worst it's a blatantly dishonest comment meant to swerve or muddy the waters.
Just because you like the Black guy, Dedric, at work or Elisa, the Hispanic chick who sits on the PTA with you or Raheem, the Muslim dude, whose son plays on your son's baseball team means that you are Mr./Ms. Equality or the " most un-racist person ever". It doesn't mean that whatsoever. It simply means you like "those" people. But, you generally don't like minorities.
I have dealt all my life with people who like me but speak negatively or insultingly about Black folks. When I was a young kid I blew it off or ignored it despite my parents drilling into me to be leery of anyone who does that. My mom would always tell me, "Those people may like you and even consider you a friend but at the end of the day when push comes to shove you're still a nigger. A nigger they tolerate but a nigger nonetheless." As I got older I began to understand exactly what she was saying and see the world less naively (at least through that lens).
Liking me didn't equate them believing I was truly equal to them nor did it equate to thinking poc in general were equal and the same. Sure, I was cool but they wouldn't want me dating their sister or cousin or friend for that matter. I am a "great guy" but I can't be family. *Whispering* "You're Black for God's sake. Interracial dating causes problems. For the kids, ya know." No, it causes problems for you! You don't think I'm good enough because while you like me or more like tolerate me, you don't like Blacks. And, therein lies the rub and the dishonesty about how some people really feel.
Look, I don't like Justin Bieber. I despise him. Howeva, I like his song, "Love Yourself". In fact, it's one of my all-time favorite songs. So, does me liking that song make me a Bieber fan? Of course, not. That is just ignorant. It means I like that particular song but generally hate his music. I mean people who hate vegetables don't usually hate ALL vegetables. They usually tolerate carrots or green beans. They like potatoes. They'll say, "But, potatoes aren't really vegetables."
And, that view leads to another thread of the subject. How many people have you heard say, "I like Jay-z. I like Chris Rock. I like Ice Cube. I like Kerry Washington. I loved Scandal. I really think Selena Gonez is cute." And, you reply (as you side-eye them), "Uh, you know they're all people of color, right?" Then, they respond, "Well, yeah but they're different. They're not really Black. They're celebrities." Every single time I hear that and I hear it more than you might think I wanna scream, "No, dumbass, they're not different. They're the same!" And, of course, somebody like Jay-z found out quickly (not that he already didn't know) that some saw him as just another "thug" or "nigger" the second he showed support for President Obama and Hillary Clinton.
So, the gist of this is simply liking or tolerating someone or a few people doesn't make you exempt from being a bigot or racist. Just like not using blatant slurs like "nigger" or "spic" or "gook" or "faggot" means you're automatically not racist or homophobic. If you genuinely have negative or hateful feelings about a particular race/ethnicity or say hateful things about a group of people, you need to evaluate how you really feel and check yourself.
I have always said and will always say, "Don't come at me with some shit about how tolerant and loving you are regarding other races and we are all equal if you would have a problem with your son or daughter or mother or father or best friend dating/marrying someone of a different ethnicity." I mean don't! I will call your ass out! Because if you truly believe we're all God's children and all equal then skin color or nationality shouldn't matter one bit! If the person is good and good to (insert family/friend) you shouldn't give a rat's left nut what they look like.
But, that's the elephant always in the room isn't it. To way too many people it does actually matter. Despite what they say they really do have bigoted and/or racist feelings. In some cases they may have interracial relationships in their family but while they smile and grit their teeth it actually disgusts them. "Your Aunt Macy may be married to a Black dude but don't let your ass think you're going to do that. Sure, Ben is ok but you ain't doing that. Plenty of good White fellas to choose." "Yes, Keisha is a sweetheart. She's funny and I love sitting next to her at work. But, she's an anomaly. Most of those people are thugs and lazy and breed like rabbits. It's not being racist. It's just being truthful. You know I'm right. I tell Keisha that all the time. She knows I'm just telling the facts because she just smiles and never says anything."
Don't tell me how you love Chinese people. And, the closet thing to Chinese that will ever be allowed in your home is an egg roll and some sweet and sour pork. Feel me.
Monday, May 14, 2018
Blunt Honesty Is Often Disingenuous Honesty
Some people love to tell you they admire honesty. They love to tell you they're just honest; not rude. But, I've discovered that isn't actually the case.
I had a friend in high school who was pretty blunt and straightforward. She rarely minced words and she was very matter of fact in what she said. She often came across as bitchy.
One day I told her she could be terse sometimes. She asked, "You mean I can be a bitch?" I told her yes. She paused a few seconds before answering and said, "Perhaps, you're right. I don't mean to be. I'm just very matter of fact in what I say." I then thought about her response and her pause before responding. I realized that whenever I or anyone else came back at her or responded to something she said she always paused before responding. Although she could be terse she never became defensive or had an attitude. She always said she respected honesty. And, she did. Because while she could be blunt she always took bluntness in return.
Now, I compare to most "blunt" people I've known since. They all say they respect straightforwardness and honesty, but what they really mean is they respect it as long as it's coming from them. Whenever someone is blunt with them they almost always immediately respond with defensiveness, an attitude and pettiness. They don't take the honesty in and see if it has merit. They immediately become hateful. But, of course, they expect the recipients of their "bluntness" to take it and "deal with it".
This fake love of honesty is part of the problem in this country when it comes to the division and polarization that is rampant in our society. If someone is going to be brutally honest, then they have to be willing to accept it when it's given to them.
I had a friend in high school who was pretty blunt and straightforward. She rarely minced words and she was very matter of fact in what she said. She often came across as bitchy.
One day I told her she could be terse sometimes. She asked, "You mean I can be a bitch?" I told her yes. She paused a few seconds before answering and said, "Perhaps, you're right. I don't mean to be. I'm just very matter of fact in what I say." I then thought about her response and her pause before responding. I realized that whenever I or anyone else came back at her or responded to something she said she always paused before responding. Although she could be terse she never became defensive or had an attitude. She always said she respected honesty. And, she did. Because while she could be blunt she always took bluntness in return.
Now, I compare to most "blunt" people I've known since. They all say they respect straightforwardness and honesty, but what they really mean is they respect it as long as it's coming from them. Whenever someone is blunt with them they almost always immediately respond with defensiveness, an attitude and pettiness. They don't take the honesty in and see if it has merit. They immediately become hateful. But, of course, they expect the recipients of their "bluntness" to take it and "deal with it".
This fake love of honesty is part of the problem in this country when it comes to the division and polarization that is rampant in our society. If someone is going to be brutally honest, then they have to be willing to accept it when it's given to them.
Thursday, January 13, 2011
LeBron James' Villain Side
Before "The Decision" LeBron James was one of the most beloved athletes in the world. Kids adored him. Grown men wanted to be him. He was a young man with a good head on his shoulders and alluring personality.
However, things have changed. Since the airing of "The Decision" and his choice to join the Miami Heat a different side of LeBron has been seen. We have seen a LeBron James who seems to be immature and tactless. He is a guy who just doesn't seem to "get it".
The entire drama surrounding "The Decision" and the way it was presented put a lot of sports fans off. Most people were okay with him leaving Cleveland for South Beach. Now, some were not so approving. But, what upset most people was the explotation of the show and the way James presented it as something to "help the kids" but in reality was nothing more than a vehicle to feed his ego.
Also, upsetting many people (especially those in Cleveland) was the perceived total lack of care or appreciation for the fans of Cleveland. The fact James didn't even inform the Caveliers of his decision before going on live television and dissing them in the most public and embarrassing way.
The fans in Cleveland were understandably upset. Some of them took it too far with the burning of his jersey and the faux hanging. But, the fans of Cleveland adored him for seven years. They held him up to almost god like status. They loved him unconditionally.
The Caveliers organization catered to him at his every whim. The only brought in new players with James approval. They let him have free reign and do whatever he wants. Unlike other players he was allowed to have his entourage at every practice, game and team function. Then, in their eyes, James turned around and stabbed him in the back.
What has came to light after this situation is James' seeming arrogance, defiance and lack of awareness. James couldn't (or didn't) see any problems with his choice to announce his free agency decision on live television. LeBron could not see why Cleveland fans were upset. He did not understand why Caveliers owner, Dan Gilbert, and the rest of the organization felt betrayed, lied to and blindsided.
Instead of truly acknowledging he should have went a different route James was defiant and cocky. He proclaimed to love the fans of Cleveland but in the next breath took any opportunity to dis them.
Dan Gilbert exasberated the situation by writing a "letter" to the fans and having it published in the Cleveland papers. In the letter Gilbert basically said James was a liar and a con. He said LeBron was not the angel he was presented as. He alluded to the fact that LeBron was nothing more than a tyrant and the organization allowed it to happen yet they got repaid for their "loyalty" by him leaving.
A few weeks back James returned to Cleveland for the first time. It was not pretty. The fans were waiting and threw every insult and boo his way they could. However, the night belonged to "The King". He went off for 38 points and the Heat destroyed the Caveliers. A loss the Caveliers still have not recovered from.
Well, since that game things have been rather calm until Tuesday night. Cleveland was in Los Angeles playing the world champion Lakers. The Lakers ripped the Caveliers apart beating them by 57 points. Toward the end of the game James posted on his Twitter, "Karma is a bitch. God sees everything."
Now, it doesn't take a genius to figure out LeBron was talking about the Caveliers and more specifically owner, Dan Gilbert. The tweet quickly made its way into the mainstream. It was fodder for the sports talk shows.
Late yesterday LeBron tried to difuse the situation by saying he didn't tweet it. He said it was a "retweet" but he posted it.
Here is my take on LeBron. First I have to say I've never cared for the guy. I have always felt he wasn't what he seemed. So, read further knowing I feel that way. Anyway, I think LeBron is arrogant. He is self-centered. LeBron is about LeBron.
He has surrounded himself with "yes" men and moochers. His "handlers" don't tell him what he needs to hear but what he WANTS to hear. No greater example of this than "The Decision". Anybody with one good brain cell should have known that was a horrible idea. However, nobody told him that. They just told him, "great idea, King".
LeBron has been pampered and celebrated all his life. The problem with that is that he now feels he is above everything. Whatever he does is right and anybody who objects are haters and the enemy.
We all know people like this. I do. They feel whatever they do and say is okay and everybody should just realize "who the hell they are". Well, when it comes to LeBron I do know who the hell you are. However, that doesn't make your words and actions any less wrong.
Some people have said it is just immaturity because of his age. Bullshit! The dude is 26 years old. He is old enough to take accountability for his actions. He is old enough to not use "the kids" as an excuse for his blatant narcissim. He is old enough to know when he is stabbing a group of people in the heart and them seemingly taking pleasure in twisting it.
LeBron James has went from hero to villain. Maybe he doesn't care this has happened. If he doesn't that is fine. But, what the self-proclcaimed "King" needs to realize is that actions and words have consequences. And, despite he and many others in this world seemingly thinking they are "special" and above it all he needs to learn to handle criticism along with the praise.
Plain and simple if you are going to act like douchebag then don't get upset when people speak about you and treat you like a douchebag!
However, things have changed. Since the airing of "The Decision" and his choice to join the Miami Heat a different side of LeBron has been seen. We have seen a LeBron James who seems to be immature and tactless. He is a guy who just doesn't seem to "get it".
The entire drama surrounding "The Decision" and the way it was presented put a lot of sports fans off. Most people were okay with him leaving Cleveland for South Beach. Now, some were not so approving. But, what upset most people was the explotation of the show and the way James presented it as something to "help the kids" but in reality was nothing more than a vehicle to feed his ego.
Also, upsetting many people (especially those in Cleveland) was the perceived total lack of care or appreciation for the fans of Cleveland. The fact James didn't even inform the Caveliers of his decision before going on live television and dissing them in the most public and embarrassing way.
The fans in Cleveland were understandably upset. Some of them took it too far with the burning of his jersey and the faux hanging. But, the fans of Cleveland adored him for seven years. They held him up to almost god like status. They loved him unconditionally.
The Caveliers organization catered to him at his every whim. The only brought in new players with James approval. They let him have free reign and do whatever he wants. Unlike other players he was allowed to have his entourage at every practice, game and team function. Then, in their eyes, James turned around and stabbed him in the back.
What has came to light after this situation is James' seeming arrogance, defiance and lack of awareness. James couldn't (or didn't) see any problems with his choice to announce his free agency decision on live television. LeBron could not see why Cleveland fans were upset. He did not understand why Caveliers owner, Dan Gilbert, and the rest of the organization felt betrayed, lied to and blindsided.
Instead of truly acknowledging he should have went a different route James was defiant and cocky. He proclaimed to love the fans of Cleveland but in the next breath took any opportunity to dis them.
Dan Gilbert exasberated the situation by writing a "letter" to the fans and having it published in the Cleveland papers. In the letter Gilbert basically said James was a liar and a con. He said LeBron was not the angel he was presented as. He alluded to the fact that LeBron was nothing more than a tyrant and the organization allowed it to happen yet they got repaid for their "loyalty" by him leaving.
A few weeks back James returned to Cleveland for the first time. It was not pretty. The fans were waiting and threw every insult and boo his way they could. However, the night belonged to "The King". He went off for 38 points and the Heat destroyed the Caveliers. A loss the Caveliers still have not recovered from.
Well, since that game things have been rather calm until Tuesday night. Cleveland was in Los Angeles playing the world champion Lakers. The Lakers ripped the Caveliers apart beating them by 57 points. Toward the end of the game James posted on his Twitter, "Karma is a bitch. God sees everything."
Now, it doesn't take a genius to figure out LeBron was talking about the Caveliers and more specifically owner, Dan Gilbert. The tweet quickly made its way into the mainstream. It was fodder for the sports talk shows.
Late yesterday LeBron tried to difuse the situation by saying he didn't tweet it. He said it was a "retweet" but he posted it.
Here is my take on LeBron. First I have to say I've never cared for the guy. I have always felt he wasn't what he seemed. So, read further knowing I feel that way. Anyway, I think LeBron is arrogant. He is self-centered. LeBron is about LeBron.
He has surrounded himself with "yes" men and moochers. His "handlers" don't tell him what he needs to hear but what he WANTS to hear. No greater example of this than "The Decision". Anybody with one good brain cell should have known that was a horrible idea. However, nobody told him that. They just told him, "great idea, King".
LeBron has been pampered and celebrated all his life. The problem with that is that he now feels he is above everything. Whatever he does is right and anybody who objects are haters and the enemy.
We all know people like this. I do. They feel whatever they do and say is okay and everybody should just realize "who the hell they are". Well, when it comes to LeBron I do know who the hell you are. However, that doesn't make your words and actions any less wrong.
Some people have said it is just immaturity because of his age. Bullshit! The dude is 26 years old. He is old enough to take accountability for his actions. He is old enough to not use "the kids" as an excuse for his blatant narcissim. He is old enough to know when he is stabbing a group of people in the heart and them seemingly taking pleasure in twisting it.
LeBron James has went from hero to villain. Maybe he doesn't care this has happened. If he doesn't that is fine. But, what the self-proclcaimed "King" needs to realize is that actions and words have consequences. And, despite he and many others in this world seemingly thinking they are "special" and above it all he needs to learn to handle criticism along with the praise.
Plain and simple if you are going to act like douchebag then don't get upset when people speak about you and treat you like a douchebag!
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